I Won't Laugh This Hard Again Until... The Republican Convention

I know that I am neither Democrat nor Republican, but DAMN is our news media the furthest distance they can possibly be from honest, unbiased opinion. And after watching CNN and all the other major new outlets proclaiming Jesus Christ, sorry, Barack Obama as a shoe-in to be the next President (which he is), it is incredibly humorous to see persons within the Democratic Party feign whole-hearted endorsement so blatantly obvious that one of those kids Sally Struthers is always crying about would look at it and say, simply... fuck!




Hillary Clinton's speech was the biggest crock of shit that I have ever heard in my life. This is someone who thinks, for some unknown reason, that her family is the heir apparent in American Politics. The woman lost her party's endorsement for President long before she would concede. That was part arrogance. The rest was pretty much a middle finger from a woman who mistakenly believes that she is OWED her political life. She is the whitest repressed person I have ever seen. That's the dichotomy of the American two-party system. The Republicans don't give a shit about anybody but themselves, and the Democrats think that they are all owed something for nothing. It's Socialism in a very loose form.

So, anyway. Do people really want the best person for President? Or do they just want the person from their party, no matter what their belief system? It has to be the latter. And before all you liberals start crying foul, I am not saying Obama or McCain is the best person. I am just asking you how honest you are with yourself when it comes to choosing a candidate.

Hillary Clinton got up in front of the entire convention and proceeded to launch into a half hour of bullshit like I have never seen in my life. It was amusing. I kept trying to imagine what was going on in her head while she was giving the speech. Fly on the wall and all. Would've paid money for that.

Yes, the Democratic National Convention (and Hollywood, apparently) invaded Colorado. Sorry guys! Listen, I understand that people are passionate about their candidate. But, let's be honest, when a celebrity lends their name to a candidate, do they really know what they are advocating? Are they sure they know what policies and laws their guy (or girl) intends on putting into effect once in office? The answer is a resounding no. Wanna know why? Because none of these asshole candidates ever say anything of substance. I'll give you an example.

Moderator: Senator X, with the economy in the toilet, what would you do to right the economy and stop the government from hemorrhaging money the way that it has under the current administration?

Senator X: That is an excellent question. This country must reverse its trend of spending more than than it brings in. It is key that fiscal responsibility be maintained in a manner that benefits all sectors of society and spreads across every key financial demographic group. We are currently in an economic crisis and my administration will take positive, sweeping action to undo the damage on the the Bush Administration with regards to the nation's economy.

Fantastic, dude. Excellent grammar. The problem? He didn't say a damn thing.

We got that from Obama last night. He wants to "change" America. Fucking great. How?

He won't say. And before all the tree-hugging, ultra-liberals jump down my throat, McCain won't say at his party's convention either. They can't. It's the nature of politics. Candidates risk losing supporters in droves if they get too specific during the election process. How freakin' sad is that?

And, listen, I don't mean it's sad that McCain and Obama won't specifically outline policy protocols that their respective administration will undertake if elected (although it is). The more pathetic fact is that the American public is so utterly unyielding when it comes to their beliefs that it can't bear to hear opinions that differ from their own. For some reason, voters need their candidate to agree with everything that they believe. WHAT?!

I'll give you an example. There is a Presidential election at the end of the year.

Candidate A is a moderate Republican who supports the War in Iraq, tax shelters for corporations, and a woman's right to choose.

Candidate B is a moderate Democrat who supports the war in Iraq, would like to reinstate prayer in public school, and supports universal healthcare.

Who do you vote for if you are a conservative Republican? A liberal Democrat?

You see the problem?

Hell in a handbasket? You betcha. Think of all the things we are forced to accept in this society. The political correctness has gotten out of hand. Do I go on television claiming that someone is disrespecting my heritage because they call me "white" instead of "European American"? No! Do I call for the impeachment of the President, using an affair as some bullshit excuse to get him out of office simply because his politics are radically different than mine? No!

The problem with our country right now is ego and self-involvement. The 1970's were not the "Me" decade. This one is. The typical American believes that his opinions, his beliefs, hell his very life is more important than everyone else's. Americans used to bend over backwards to accommodate others. Now, we expect everyone else to bend over backwards to accommodate us. We refuse to listen to points of view that are different from our own. We call anyone who dares to disagree with our political and religious views as close-minded and unyielding, yet we are the exact same way.

The result, we get a bunch of candidates who don't say a damn thing... because they can't. We don't allow them to. We want specifics until those specifics clash with our own beliefs, then we are appalled.

Every election is the lesser of two evils. You are never going to find a candidate who you agree with on 100% of his political views. You find the one you most closely align with and you vote for him, or that's the way it should work.

But, for the most part, it doesn't. People vote along party lines. Why? Because nobody knows, specifically, what his or her candidate believes. Too often, our response is, "Well, I'm a Democrat, and he's a Democrat. So, I'll vote for him". Well, that's all well and good until your candidate gets into office and you learn that his first act as Commander in Chief is to pass a Senate resolution that makes it mandatory to put baby's on pikes every other Saturday. Then you're like, "Oh, fuck. He didn't say he wanted to rack babies during the election." That's because he couldn't, you schmuck. You don't want to hear what he supports, what he believes in, what he is determined to face in his administration. You just want to hear that he agrees with you. That's damn sad.