I am a huge Eddie Izzard fan. The guy's a friggin' genius when it comes to taking the human experience and finding humor where alot of times there simply is none. He once made a statement about Pol Pot dying under house arrest. If I remember correctly, his statement went something like, "Pol Pot killed 1.7 million Cambodians and died under house arrest. Well done there. 'So, you just want me to stay here, then. Alright. Do we have any videos?'"
Izzard went on to say that as long as a tyrant kills his own people, we're pretty much okay with that. "Oh, help yourselves. We've been trying to kill you for years. Hitler killed people next door... stupid man. After a few years, we won't stand for that." Genius.
In a side note, Pol Pot lead the Communist Khmer Rouge. Previous unsuccessful Communist genocide machines in Cambodia included the Khmer Fuchsia, the Khmer Vermilion, the Khmer Burnt Umber, and the utter catastrophic failure of the uber-preppy Khmer Mauve.
So, I come across this article about Abdul Ali Kali Obama Osama Genghis Wrath of Khan, and I started thinking (never a good idea). Who else have we allowed to suffer the pain and torture of living in their own house after a hard life of rape, torture, and genocide? Here's a list:
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Ne Win: Burmese Prime Minister and Head of State, Win was also the chairman of the Burma Socialist Programme Party from 1963 to 1988. In 1977, he became the first foreign head of state to be allowed into Cambodia. after the rise of the Khmer Rouge. He was buddies with Pol Pot. Shocking.
In 1989, he decides to rename the whole damn country. Now that's power. He decides to throw out Burma in favor of the Union of Myanmar. And just for good measure, he changes the capital name from Rangoon to Yangon. I assume that chinese restaurants were politically against said changes as, until this very day, crab Rangoon has not become crab Yangon.
His government imprisoned political activists and fought ethnic and communist insurgencies with massive military force. While there are no reliable or official figures, it is estimated that between three and ten thousand were killed in the 'Rangoon Spring' uprising of 1988. Tens to possibly hundreds of thousands more were killed beginning with the 1962 military coup d'état that brought Win to the national forefront.
Still under house arrest, the ninety-two-year-old Ne Win died on December 5th, 2002 at his lakeside house in Yangon. A lakeside house? This guy did his jail time at a lakeside house? Well done there.
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Augusto Pinochet: Chilean military officer and dictator, President of the Government Junta of Chile from 1973 to 1974 and President of Chile from 1974 until the return of civilian rule in 1990.Pinochet first came to rule when the Chilean military staged a coup d'etat on September 11, 1973 (what the fuck is it with that day?!). Almost immediately after the military's seizure of power, 2,279 persons were killed for political reasons. Approximately 30,000 more were tortured. His Caravan of Death, a Chilean Army death squad that flew from South to North Chile, executed a total of 97 victims between September 30 and October 22, 1973. In 1974, the DINA (Chilean secret police) murdered 119 exiles who opposed Pinochet's rule and disguised the killings as internal conflicts.
Oh, by the way, the military coup d'etat that occurred in 1973 and brought Pinochet to power in the first place was aided with "active support" from the... wait for it... Central Intelligence Agency. What a huge fucking surprise this is. We all know the CIA has been rat-fucking since its inception. It just always cracks me up when some guy we helped come into power turns into a total nut and starts killing his own people in large numbers. I seem to remember the CIA aiding some guy in Iraq a few decades back. What was his name again?
At the time of Pinochet's death, there were approximately 300 criminal charges still pending against him in Chile for human rights abuses, murder, torture, kidnapping, and tax evasion and embezzlement, for good measure.
Pinochet died under house arrest on December 10, 2006 at age 91 in Santiago, Chile. Well done indeed.
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William Laws Calley, Jr.: This piece of shit is responsible for the My Lai Massacre, where American soldiers, under Calley's orders, killed 347 unarmed Vietnamese on March 16, 1968, although witnesses put the number closer to 500. The dead were entirely civilians and the majority of them women and children. Some of the victims were sexually abused, beaten, tortured, or maimed, and some of the dead bodies were mutilated. Calley himself killed at least twenty-two by himself, a conservative estimate by most, including a two-year-old who was running away when Calley grabbed him by the arm, spun him around and threw him into a gulley with other dead or dying bodies. Calley then shot and killed him. The kid was TWO!He was later sentenced to life with hard labor at Leavenworth. That's when Tricky Dick got involved. Riding a short-term wave of sympathy, Nixon had Calley quietly transferred from the military prison at Leavenworth, Kansas, to house arrest in a comfortable apartment at Fort Benning, Georgia, where was able to "drink alcohol and entertain his girlfriend". If that weren't enough, President Dick-Head pardoned this fucknut in 1974. He now lives in Atlanta, with his twenty-eight-year-old son. What a dipshit.
He grew up in a white-collar Miami family, dropped out of college, and drifted between jobs on the railroad and investigating insurance claims before joining the army as a trainee clerk. For some reason, he was accepted into OTS (Officer Training School), though never before showing a proclivity for leadership. My guess is for no other reason than he was a white kid from a middle-class family in the sixties.
He loved Vietnam. Let me repeat that. He loved Vietnam. What kind of sick fuck loves a war zone? But, let me tell you why. He was a dropout with a string of nowhere jobs. Girls weren't exactly plentiful, you get what I'm saying? In Vietnam, he was the head of Charlie Company and was lavished all kinds of attention by the cheap, local, um, ladies of the evening who hung around the base. This is the kind of moron who walks into a strip club and believes he's got a shot at taking the girl giving him a lapdance home with him. You see what type of asshole we're dealing with here?
Though he loved Vietnam, he displayed almost no competency in his position and earned no respect from the men he commanded. They called him Lieutenant Shithead! I love it! And when one of his ill-advised orders got a soldier killed, several of him men talked of "fragging" (assassinating) him. This was neither the first nor the last time such a conversation took place among Calley's men.
After he had served his house arrest, from 1971-1974, this piece of work dumped the girlfriend who stuck by him during that time and married into a wealthy family, eventually taking over his wife's family business. He couldn't even hang on to that. He left her in 2005 because she didn't like how he was running the business.
Calley tried for a time, hugely unsuccessfully, to turn his notoriety into cash, charging for appearances on the college lecture circuit. He eventually had to quit because students would boo and heckle him at every school he spoke.
He's still a fucker, though. One journalist asked to speak with him regarding a statement made by one of the survivors of the My Lai Massacre, Pham Thanh Cong, who lost his mother and three siblings. Mr. Cong's statement? "If the government will allow it, I invite him here, not to scold him or reprimand him, but to try and understand why he ordered the killing. If he comes here, he and I could become friends. We could confide and talk to each other. We really want him to come back and see the truth." Calley's response? "Meet me in the lobby of the nearest bank at opening time tomorrow, and give me a certified check for $25,000, then I'll talk to you for precisely one hour."
Fuck you, you piece of shit!
Interestingly, Calley is only 5'3" tall. Like Hitler (5'8"), Mussolini (5'7"), Pol Pot (5'5"), Napoleon (5'6"), and Charles Manson (5'2"), Calley most likely suffered from Little Man's Syndrome (a condition whereby undersized men compensate for their smallness by physically asserting their presence). I surmise Calley's smallness started with his dick and moved outward from there.
In one final note, helicopter pilot Hugh Thompson, who died several years ago, saw what was happening as he flew above My Lai and landed in the village several times, airlifting what villagers he could to prevent their murder by Calley and many of the members of his Charlie Company. Three other U.S. servicemen who made an effort to halt the massacre and protect the wounded were sharply criticized by US Congressmen, received hate mail, death threats and mutilated animals on their doorsteps. Another shot himself in the foot to preclude his participation, showing that at least several people knew Calley was a dickweed and refused to follow his orders.
Hope you enjoy hell, Mr. Calley, where, if there is any justice, the people you tortured and killed at My Lai will do the same to you for the rest of time. Enjoy, you fucker!
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Galileo Galilei: Galileo wasn't a rat bastard like the other men I have named, however his story involves the infinite wisdom (not too subtle sarcasm intended) of the holy Roman Catholic Church (as in holy shit, they made another mistake).As the product of a Catholic, specifically Jesuit, education, I will never pass up the opportunity to help shed light on any of the innumerable fuck-ups the papacy has made in its history. Not that other people/groups don't make errors, but Mother Church will never admit it has made a mistake. Their stock response, "God cannot make a mistake". My response? You are not God, you don't represent God, you don't speak for God. Remember the whole Jesus, New Testament thing? That eliminated the need to have to speak to God through a priest. The curtain to the Holy of Holies ripped in half, symbolizing the end of man's separation from God. Does ANY of this sound familiar?
Okay, I am going down a road that could take us in a whole new direction. Stop, make a u-turn. Back on track.
Galileo, of course, has been called the father of modern observational astronomy, the father of modern physics, the father of science, and the father of modern science. Simply stated, he was smarter than you will ever be, and he was certainly smarter than the fools that ran the Catholic Church in the late 1500's, early 1600's.
He got himself into hot water when he came out in support of Copernicanism, a theory that suggested the Sun was the center of the Universe, not the Earth. In response, the church issued a decree stating that there would be a suspension of De revolutionibus, the book in which the theory was first suggested, until it could be "corrected". It did so on the grounds that the doctrine that the Earth moves and the Sun doesn't was "false and altogether opposed to Holy Scripture". The same decree also prohibited any work that defended the mobility of the Earth or the immobility of the Sun, or that attempted to reconcile these assertions with Scripture.
In 1633, Galileo was convicted on suspicion of heresy for "following the position of Copernicus, which is contrary to the true sense and authority of Holy Scripture" and was placed under house arrest for the rest of his life. He died on January 8, 1642.
By the way, does anyone know where we finally landed on that whole Sun as the center of our galaxy thing?
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