They're Here, They're Queer, and They're Married. Get the Fuck Over It!

Why are we still arguing this subject? Gay marriage is a reality in several states and will be in the rest very soon. If you don't like it PISS OFF! Where are we, people? Where are we in the evolution of mankind that we are so intolerant of other people that we try to ban their very existence? And don't give me that horseshit about financial strain on the economy, skyrocketing insurance rates, and all the other crap that people throw out. Those are used to mask intolerance and bigotry.
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Remember him? Harvey Milk was the first openly gay supervisor in San Francisco, elected to office in 1977 and also a vocal advocate of gay and lesbian rights.

In 1978, Dan White, elected to the Board of Supervisors the same year as Milk and an anti-gay ultraconservative, resigned from the Board citing unhappiness with the ethics he found in the political world. He later attempted to rescind his resignation, but Mayor George Moscone refused. The day Moscone was set to announce White's replacement, White, a former policeman, entered San Francisco City Hall through an unlocked window to avoid the detection of his service revolver and murdered both Moscone and Milk. Thank god he had such a strong code of ethics! He then left city hall and met is wife at Saint Mary's Cathedral. Think God is proud of you now, you putz?!

The trial was a joke. White's lawyer used the Twinkie Defense (How apropos is that in the murder of a gay politician in San Francisco?), saying large amounts of junk food caused him to be depressed and led to his actions. It's staggering to think that the jury bought it; White was convicted of manslaughter rather than murder and sentenced to only eight years. I guess house arrest was off the table (see "So, You Just Want Me To Stay Here, Then?" post below).

Have you ever heard some ignorant ass say something like, "What we should do is take all the fags and put them on some island somewhere?" Um, San Francisco. Well, technically it's a peninsula, but I doubt if they take the time to make that distinction in the backwoods of Arkansas. So, you'll screw your sister but not another man? I don't think I get it.

"You've got to keep electing gay people...to know there is better hope for tomorrow. Not only for gays, but for blacks, Asians, the disabled, our senior citizens and us. Without hope, we give up. I know you cannot live on hope alone, but without it life is not worth living." Harvey Milk

As a heterosexual caucasian male, I could not agree more.

Dan White committed suicide in 1985.
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Or him? Brandon Teena (born Teena Brandon) was a female living as a man who was murdered on New Year's Eve 1993. He was twenty-one-years old.

Teena Brandon was born in Nebraska in 1972. She was sexually molested by a male relative over several years while still living as a girl, and by high school was living as a boy. Brandon's mother has stated that the male persona was only invented to prevent another male from harming her as her relative had done. And I certainly don't want to insult Brandon's mother. God knows, she has been through so much. I never met Brandon, or Teena for that matter. I have nothing to base my opinions on except through the research that I have done. And most of the people outside of Brandon's family insist that Teena wanted to be Brandon, that it was not merely an act. But this is not a scathing article about the struggles that he and his family dealt with. It is about why he was killed.

Nobody can claim that Brandon didn't have his share of issues as any teen does, even outside of the gender confusion that he faced. If Brandon was a male trapped in a female body, and he did talk about gender reassignment surgery on several occasions, his problems were far compounded beyond what your average teen must endure.

Brandon had several scrapes with the law in his teenage years, and, most likely to escape the lack of family support after his decision to live as a male, he moved to Falls City, Nebraska. In Falls City, he made friends with several local residents, including two ex-con fuckheads named John Lotter and Tom Nissen. At the same time, he began dating Lana Tisdel, an ex-girlfriend of Lotter's.

On December 15, 1993, Brandon was arrested for forging checks. When Lana came to post Brandon's bail, she was astonished that he was being kept in the female section of the jail. And when Lotter and Nissen read about the arrest in the newspaper and learned the truth, let's just say the true redneck came out in them.

During a Christmas party, Lotter and Nissen grabbed Brandon and pulled his pants down exposing female genitalia to every person at the party. Then these pieces of shit forced him into a car, took him to a secluded area and raped him.

This is where I really get pissed off. Brandon went to the local authorities, that'd be Andy, Gomer, Barney, Goober, Floyd and the rest of the three-toothed morons that served as policemen in Richardson Country, Nebraska, and reported the rape. And these backwards country assholes had the gall to insinuate it was his fault, that he was the one who had done something to make Lotter and Nissen rape him. This ignorant sheriff fuck, Charles B. Laux, seemed far more obsessed with Brandon's transgender lifestyle than with catching a couple of rapists.

I once heard the tape that was recorded with Laux and Brandon when he first reported the rape. I am not a violent person by nature. I leave that to people more depraved than I, but let me tell you something. After listening to this thing, I wanted to cut off this guy's johnson and shove it down his throat. This guy had absolutely no business wearing a badge.

I will admit that it's been a few years, but I distinctly remember this fucknut was totally obsessed with a woman dressing like a man. It was unbelievable. It was like somebody who has lived in the jungle seeing an airplane for the first time. The questions were incredible (and not by any means verbatim). "You're a girl but why are you in boys clothes? Why do you do that? Why don't you wear girls clothes? You are a girl aren't you?" Very in-depth intellectual stuff from the special needs Sheriff. Who gives a fuck why Brandon wanted to live his life as a male? It doesn't have one thing to do with the rape so move on, you schmuck, and do your damn job!

Just a quick side note, the town of Falls City was in an uproar after they first previewed Boys Don't Cry, saying that it wasn't representative of the town. That may well be, but the fact is that your Sheriff, an elected official, elected by the people of your town, berated and humiliated a rape victim, refused to press charges against his attackers, two of your citizens, leaving them on the streets to commit a triple murder less than a week later. What exactly does that say about your town?

After the interview, as stated above, no charges were filed against either Lotter or Nissen, who then murdered Brandon and two others on New Year's Eve 1993. Only then were Lotter and Nissen arrested. Way to go Laux! You get the peace officer of the year award for 1993. You probably go to bed at night thinking you did your job by arresting Lotter and Nissen after the murder. But, listen to me, and listen to me good you horse's ass. Your bigotry, your insensitive, backwoods, redneck, cousin-fucking mentality kept two rapists on the streets and let them become murderers. Sleep well, dickhead!

As for the killers, Nissen turned on Lotter and testified against him in court. Integrity all the way around here. Lotter received the death penalty. Nissen three life sentences. Last I heard, Nissen had recanted and said he did the killing and Lotter didn't. Who gives a shit? They're both responsible for murder, one of them for committing the crime and the other for refusing to stop it, or at the very least reporting it after the fact.

I hope both of you see Brandon's face every time you close your eyes.

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What about him? Matthew Shepherd, a student at the University of Wyoming, was murdered in October 1998 outside Laramie, Wyoming.

The murderers, Russell Arthur Henderson and Aaron James McKinney, spotted Shepard in a bar and pretended to be gay. They later convinced Shepard to leave with them. He was then driven to a field where he was robbed, pistol-whipped, tortured, tied to a fence and left to die. He was discovered eighteen hours later by a cyclist still tied to the fence. The cyclist thought that Shepard was a scarecrow. He was still alive, but in a coma.

Shepard never regained consciousness and remained on full life support. He was pronounced dead October 12, 1998. The two men had attempted to get their girlfriends to provide alibis.

Here's an obvious question. If you think that homosexuality is wrong, that God hates fags, that AIDS kills fags dead, and/or any of the other bullshit reasons people use to hide behind their own homophobia, usually precipitated by fear and an unadmitted questioning of their own sexuality, why try to hide it? If you just responded, "Not me, I ain't no fag," you are the person I am speaking to.

Seriously, if you're right for beating, torturing, and murdering a homosexual and truly think that to do so is improving the quality of human existence, why try to get your girlfriends to lie and offer an alibi? Why hide the gun used to beat him unconscious? Wouldn't you want to run out and tell everyone you know? "Hey, guess what I did last night. I murdered a homosexual. Yea for me! The world is now a better, safer place."

Let me tell you something, people who know that what they've done is wrong try to hide it, try to cover it up. They lie about it, and they try to get others to lie about it for them. Sound familiar Messrs. Henderson and McKinney?

And while I am very conservative when it comes to the economy and national defense, and very liberal when it comes to civil/personal liberties, I am also pro death penalty. All I've got to say is that you guys had better be glad you were convicted in Wyoming and not, say, Texas. Because, if you had, my friends, you'd already be dead. Although, I am not sure I would be in any rush to find out where my home in the next life will be if I were you.

Then these fuckheads tried to use the "gay panic" defense, saying Matthew "hit" on them. They are the ones who lied about being gay. They asked to give Matthew a ride. They are the ones who drove him out to the middle of nowhere and left him to die. Where the hell is the panic in that? Sounds like a whole lot of premeditation to me. Panic would have been beating the shit out of him in the bar when he first approached you. Anything after that, is conscious, deliberate thought where panic does not exist. Nice try, assholes. Hell, their girlfriends even said that they had planned to rob a "gay man" that night. What a couple of fucking cowards. These guys piss me off as much as Calley (see "So, You Just Want Me To Stay Here, Then?" post below).

Henderson and McKinney did receive life sentences, so there is that.

Matthew's parents petitioned the court to spare McKinney from the death penalty, portrayed beautifully by Terry Kinney in The Laramie Project. I would just like to say that the Shepard's are amazing people to display this kind of forgiveness. I hope these guys continually suffer the pain they forced upon your son for a long, long time. Mr. Shepard, you are a better man than I, Cochise!
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Ok, so, Harvey was killed in 1978; Brandon in 1993; and Matthew in 1998. What does this show? Is this human race progressing socially? Is it intelligent enough to realize that we can live with all people in our society even if we may not agree with some of the lifestyle choices that they make? I'd say if we are making any progress, it is a slow and painstaking process.

You can disagree with how a person chooses to live their life. God knows there are people who disagree with how you live yours. If you just asked, "What the hell did I ever do to them?", guess what, they are asking the same thing about you. But, what you can't do is assume that your way to live is better and try to force your belief system onto another person.

If you think the Bible tells you you're supposed to do that, you're and idiot and you need to go back and read it again... the whole thing. You don't get to pick and choose the parts that justify your belief system. You know who did that? Charles Manson. You know who else? Hitler. Of course, if you think God actually hates homosexuals, you probably look up to Charlie and Adolph. By the way, I am a Christian, and I have a degree in Biblical studies. Don't even think you can debate me on this.



How does the fact that two men or two women want to get married affect your marriage? And if you have issues with it, then how the hell does that become their problem? To be quite honest, I'd like to know how it affects your life in the first place? You're the one with the issue. Seriously, other than the fact that you can't stand to see two men kiss, what else bothers you? I say it's all sexual. What really creeps some assholes out about homosexuality is the sexual component.



You've heard the statements before. "It just ain't natural. Marriage is supposed to be between a man and a woman." And why is it that these dipshits think that every gay person in the world wants to sleep with them. Like some queen is going to walk up and immediately grab their crotch and ram a tongue down their throat.

Grow up, would you? Your thirty-five. You live alone. You're a security guard at the local mall (no offense to Gary Coleman intended). No woman in America wants to screw you. Hookers think twice about it... after you pay them. Do you want to sleep with every girl you see? Strike that. Normal people don't want to sleep with every person that we come into contact with. News flash, gay bashers, neither do they.






See the picture to the left. Many people approach homosexuality in this way. "Ignore it, hide from it, don't talk about it, and we can pretend it doesn't exist." I find it ironic that someone who is disgusted by gay sex would leave their ass in that position. Just an observation.






I think Aaron Sorkin said it best in the American President:

"America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You have to want it bad, because it's going to put up a fight. It's going to say, 'You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours'. Show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then, you can stand up and sing about the land of the free."



You don't want to accept gay marriage? According to the Constitution that makes you a very, very poor excuse for an American citizen. How does that make you feel? The greatest country on the planet and you can't get along with your neighbors.




It's not their fault. They are not guilty of being gay. They are not guilty of wanting to marry someone of the same sex. They are only guilty of being the target of your unfounded, irrational and uneducated bigotry. If that's how you want to live your life, then go ahead. But, do the rest of us a favor, keep your innane prejudices to yourself. Not all heterosexuals think like you do. I know I don't. There's no room for you here in the 21st century. Honestly, I just feel sorry for you.




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So instead of continuing on a tyrannical soliloquy, I would rather pay tribute to those gay people who make this world a better, and a lot of the time, more interesting world:

Nathan Lane
His performance as Albert in The Birdcage is one of my favorite comedic performances ever, right behind Hank Azaria's turn as Agador.

Albert, and his highly acute flare for the dramatic, provides enough laughter to last for a month after a viewing. Who can forget such unforgettable lines as, "Then I found out Alexander the Great was a fag. Talk about gays in the military", "He can't chew his gum while I'm singing", and my personal favorite, "Oh, I pierced the toast!" Funny, funny man.







Greta Garbo
Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!

She would've made me want to consider playing for the home team if I was a woman in the 20's.








Tom Cruise
It's about time the rest of the world accept what Hollywood and the gay community have known for twenty years.

It's sad really. He can't be who he is because movie studios are worried it will affect box office draw. And what's even more sad... they're probably right. He's less of an action movie star because he's gay? Give me a break. Oh, and Tom, nobody bought the whole Oprah sofa incident. You kind of overacted that one, friend.






Lily Tomlin
One of the five funniest women ever, hands down, bar none, end of story.







Raymond Burr
This one actually shocked me, simply because I had no idea he was gay. Perry Mason is absolutely my favorite television show produced before 1980.

The hulking, ruggedly handsome Burr certainly dispelled any sterotypes regarding the lack of masculinity of gay men in general. He was always considered a man's man. Turns out it was literal.

Plus, he nearly always had a cigarette in one hand and a scotch in the other. I like that.








Jane Lynch
A very funny woman who's turn as Steve Carell's manager in The 40-year-old Virgin was riotous.

I can't even think of her without thinking two things: First, the Spanish serenade. And second... two words... fuck buddy.









Neil Patrick Harris
Little Doogie got all growed up and started playing leacherous heterosexual male roles. Go figure.

In Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle, he shook the pint-sized doctor off once and for all as an ecstasy taking, car stealing, strip club patronizing version of himself. Brilliant career choice, NPH, as that led, of course, to the man-whore role of Barney on How I met Your Mother.

Like Jane Lynch, I think of two phrases every time I see this funny, funny guy: "Suit up", and "Lap Dance".





Alexis Arquette
I don't know if it's cheating to put Eva Destruction on this list since gender reassigment surgery has now rendered her an actual female, so technically, she's not gay any more.

But who gives a shit, she's made a career of supporting roles that are scene stealers.

Who can forget the hand-cannon toting kid in Pulp Fiction who somehow managed to unload all of his bullets at close range but hit neither Jules nor Vincent Vega (played by Samuel L. Jackson and John Travolta, respectively) before taking about 12 bullets in the chest.

And of course, George. The wonderful transvestite Boy George look-alike in The Wedding Singer who sings Culture Club's Do You Really Want to Hurt Me? on a loop.




Rosie? Well, yeah, fuck Rosie. She's as bigoted against heterosexuals and conservatives as they are her. Yet, she maintains this unrealistic notion that she is allowed to verbally bash anyone she damn well pleases and that she is off-limits because she is gay. It doesn't work like that, you cow.

Madonna couldn't even stand this bitch and told her to take a hike. Same with Sandra Bernhard. Ok, so Madonna doesn't like talentless women who are more famous for being gay than anything else. I think I got it.

Poor, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb Elisabeth Hasselbeck. You never had a chance, sweetheart, even if you were able to think abstractly and string together coherent sentences.
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To the Californians spear-heading the attempt to have this law repealed, you already voted the law into effect. Even if you manage to repeal it, it will be voted into law again someday. Leave it alone. Get on with your life. Both the gay community and the portions of the heterosexual and religious communities that don't hate gays accept the fact that you're an unthinking, unfeeling, inbred redneck piece of shit, and they all leave you alone. Why can't you accept the fact that they are gay, and they simply want to take marriage vows that show they are committed to each other for the rest of their lives (as you are allowed to do)? For heaven's sake, just leave them alone.