Well, this pretty much says it all. And while there are a myriad of topics in my first post since the inauguration of President Socialism that I could address, I will take the opportunity to lambaste Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi (a job she can do at least two times better than any of her predecessors due to her second mouth... you know, the one that goes with her second face).
How I wish Time/Warner had the balls to actually
put out this cover!
I must say that I have never truly hated anyone in my life. Well, I take that back, there is one person... and there's no way to change it. So, I've made my peace with it.
More appropriately, therefore, I should say I have never hated a politician... until now.
Ok, I'll take the job, but only if I get to rip her face off entirely.
I should say that I have absolutely no tolerance for those people who try to pass themselves off as some sort of uber-evolved human, no matter whether it be through scientific achievement, artistic talent, moral, religious and philosophical ideas, etc. To do so requires a level of arrogance that I simply don't understand.
Nancy Pelosi has frequently stated, "The Bible tells
us in the Old Testament, 'To minister to the needs
of God's creation is an act of worship. To ignore
those needs is to dishonor the God who made us.'"
The verse doesn't exist. Apparently, being a "good
Catholic" means making shit up and trying to guilt
people into it by claiming it's the Word of God. Brass
balls, my friends... oh, and also a blasphemer, but
what does that mean in today's world?
I can't listen to Eric Clapton, the arrogant prick.
You're a great guitar player. You are important to
rock history. You were friends with every great
early rock star. You're rich, and your wife is hot.
We get it. Enough already.
I can't watch a Susan Sarandon movie, and fuck you very much for that, Susie; Bull Durham was one of my favorites.
"Pilate was a governor and Jesus was a community organizer."
Did she just compare Obama to Jesus Christ? Yeah, she's the
authority. Maybe she thought we'd be hypnotized by the boobs.
And then there's this famous quote from 1995: "If people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.” This gem was offered up by Rush Limbaugh in 1995, about eight years before he single-handedly drove up Purdue stock with his illegal use of pain medications.
You mean getting 12,000 prescriptions from
9,000 doctors is illegal? Shit!
The list is endless: Eliot Spitzer, former governor of New York and evidently a fan of the call girl;
Oprah's green queen, Laurie David, who is always quick to point out who is creating deadly conditions for the environment but fails to mention that she owns a private jet that frequently shuttles her between homes in California and Massachusetts;
Pick a pastor or a priest - Jimmy Swaggert, Ted Haggard, numerous Catholic priests, etc. - there have been plenty;
Thanks for this. I had to remove Alicia Silverstone
from a certain bank. I appreciate it, you schmuck.
And, of course, Bill "I did not have sex with that woman" Clinton, a fucking President for God's sake, and U.S. Rep. Henry Hyde (R-IL), the man who led the charge to have Clinton impeached, despite the fact that he himself had an affair while married.
And on, and on, and on, and on, and on. Now we get Nancy Pelosi.
So, at least one good thing did come from her trip to
Pakistan... this picture.
I am the first to admit my life is littered with fuckups. It's littered with really great moments of character as well, but I've smoked the dope and, as Cheech Marin once said, "never exhaled." I've had the liquor. I've messed with the wild women. And I've made a bet or two. I've lied to those I love, cheated on a test and stolen baseball cards from the 7-11 as a kid.
Certainly apropos.
Am I proud of these things? Certainly not. And it's quite a list. So, naturally the question is not "Are you moral enough to write this post?" but "Are you too immoral to write this post?" I That's a valid point. But, I don't think that I've done anything that outweighs those poor decisions every human being makes. I am a typical American. And that's what makes me the perfect person to write this article.
Every time I do something I know I shouldn't, I hear the shrill
voice of Sister Mary Elephant.
It wasn't until I passed into adulthood, for me that came around age thirty, that I realized that Machiavellian stance that most young people adhere to simply wasn't acceptable anymore. I've stopped all those things and try to live my life the best I can. These days, I am successful most of the time. But, of course, any human being is going to fail now and again.
Niccolo Machiavelli: The man who killed political
idealism in The Prince.
Here's the difference between me and Nancy Pelosi. First, I have not inserted myself into a position, a government position no less, to have my voice, my ideas and my actions affect the course of the entire nation. Second, and monumentally more important, I never pointed my finger at anyone else and called them out on their behavior while engaging in the same behavior.
Meglomania in its purest form.
So, it turns out that Pelosi was actually in a briefing where interrogation methods, including the method-du-jour, water-boarding, were discussed. She was there. You can't argue that. Her name is on the log. People remember her being there. This is one of those times where any intelligent argument must begin with that stipulation.
All hail the Queen of Socialism!
There are are myriad of issues I have with this woman. But, since the whole water-boarding thing is currently in the public's consciousness, I'll use it as proxy for itself and all the others.
This may be the scariest thing I've ever seen. I'm getting
a real The 5,000 Fingers of Dr. T vibe.
Now, her position has always been that she was never informed of any of the techniques being used at Gitmo (call it torture if you like). Well, that's entirely untrue. So, she's changed her position. Now she says she was at the meeting but that they misrepresented those techniques to her. Well, I won't go into all the paperwork, but she was there. She heard it all, and she never said a thing. So, either she is lying or she is too stupid to understand a briefing. In either event, she is certainly not the sort of person who should be Speaker of the House.
The sad part is that she doesn't think this is true.
She is the very epitome of the old saying, "Do as I say, not as I do." And believe me America, as one of the top ten richest members of Congress, Nancy Pelosi is concerned, not with what America needs, but with what Nancy Pelosi needs. She claims to want to reach out to the right, but does nothing to support that. She is a bully. She is a Democrat Speaker, in a Democrat House, of a Democrat Congress, with a Democrat President. At a time when most would show restraint and not abuse their power, she sits over the Republican party like a kid burning ants with a magnifying glass.
I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Her lack of character is obvious. "Cover your own ass" is her mantra. Her agenda is to make you afraid of something and then to tell you who's to blame for it (nod to Aaron Sorkin), a method usually reserved for Republicans. She will lie when caught and then lie about the lie.
All these years and we finally know, "All she wants is a
dinkle. What she envy's a schwang. A thing through
which she can tinkle, or play with or simply let hang."
(Nod to Friends)
But, sooner or later, the balls will all fall. It doesn't bode well for you when the head of your party calls for investigations into your statements and actions, even if the committee probably will be a sham, although I am sure there are some Republicans in the mood to jump at whatever chance they get to attack the ruling party, especially in light of the fact that the party's current political power ranks somewhere below the Save the Spotted Owl Society (another nod to Aaron Sorkin).
She is the very embodiment of the two-faced, agenda-driven, morally ambivalent actions that too many of our national politicians are guilty of.
Next time you try to lie to the public, go back and
check your date book. Did you think that everybody
was going to take you at your word? Unbelievable.
And to the Democratic and Republican parties. You are both great, and you both suck. You both do wonderful things that help our country, and you both do things that threaten our continued Democracy. You are both too rigid and too malleable. And most importantly, you are both comprised of human beings that fuck up just like the rest of us.
There are more of us than there are of them!
Dirt will always exist. There is nothing new or exciting in dirt. You each like dirt. How else can you portray yourself as morally superior? If you both would stop trying to find scandal amongst members of the other party, and actually undertook the task of extending a hand across the aisle, well, that's a government I might actually enjoy watching work.
In short, try to act like the people of character that one should want to assume VOLUNTARILY when the American public votes them into office. A few of you do. The majority of you don't.
This includes you, Nancy Pelosi.
This is not a new problem, but it has gone on long enough.
I expect this to happen soon, just as I expect to win the Powerball Lottery, the Publisher's Clearing House, to have Jennifer Aniston show up on my doorstep, totally nude of course, and tell me that I am her soulmate, and for Manny Ramirez to get pregnant from all those women's hormones his doctor has been giving him.
The future Mrs. Baked America. You may commence your envy!
As for Nancy Pelosi... when all is said and done, you, Madam Speaker, are nothing more than a prototypical Washington political whore.
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